Israel insists it has a right to defend itself from ceasefire agreements
It has no choice but to attack 1.4 million refugees in tents
Israel has been left with no choice but to launch its Rafah offensive, due to an outrageous provocation from Hamas in which the terror group agreed to a ceasefire in exchange for the safe release of all hostages. Disturbingly, the ceasefire agreement contained a string of unacceptable demands from Hamas, such as Israel allowing 600 trucks of humanitarian aid into Gaza and agreeing to not carpet bomb civilians. The ceasefire agreement was put together by Egypt and the US, but Israel said no to the deal that would have freed the hostages because it wants to free the hostages. If you question this reasoning, it’s because you are Hamas.
The Israeli government was understandably incensed that Hamas would try to take away their genocide excuse and has responded with a level of fury we haven’t seen since the days of Amalek. The hostages in Gaza are surely thrilled because if one thing will guarantee their safety, it’s rockets and bullets flying all around them, especially the ones they call “dumb bombs”.
Israel has vowed to eliminate all Hamas terrorists in Rafah, by which they mean the civilians who did not have access to escape tunnels. Israel might have chosen Holocaust Memorial Day to prepare the invasion, but it reacted with outrage when people protested outside the Holocaust Memorial Museum because it’s insensitive to link one holocaust with another. Disturbingly, there were huge anti-war protests in Tel Aviv which has turned into a hotbed of anti-Semitism and a recruitment ground for Hamas. I understand Israel is now considering the possibility of nuking Tel Aviv in self-defence.
The Rafah offensive began with an Israeli tank running over a sign welcoming visitors to the city, which is definitely not the type of behaviour you would expect from petty colonisers. Israel kindly instructed 1.4 million refugees in the safe zone of Rafah to squeeze into a smaller safe zone roughly the size of a city block. If any refugees don’t like being crushed to death, they are expected to go into the sea where they may or may not be shot at. Israel says it can’t guarantee the IDF won’t accidentally blow up the safe zone either. If anyone is unable to move to the new safe zone because they’ve already been horribly injured in a previous safe zone, they will be considered fair game.
Reassuringly, Israel has taken control of the Rafah crossing point and made the unfortunate decision to block all humanitarian aid. Thankfully, Israel’s bots are doing a sterling job of pretending Hamas is blocking those aid trucks. I understand that, if necessary, several of those bots are willing to testify at Netanyahu's trial in the Hague. This is because they are much better at sticking to a script than Mark Regev or Bezalel Smotrich who would only embarrass the Israeli prime minister.
I understand the IDF is courageously looking for any schools, libraries, or medical centres in Rafah to ensure none remain. The worst thing Israel could do is let the injured have medical treatment and the young have an education. Palestine has among the highest rates of literacy and university degrees in the world, and Palestinians can’t be allowed to undermine the narrative they’re all stupid savages because you might start thinking the genocide is wrong.
The United Nations has warned the Rafah offensive will worsen the “catastrophic hunger” in Gaza, a statement the IDF found reassuring. Frustratingly, Sir Keir Starmer said the Rafah offensive “must not go ahead”, proving the Labour leader does not take his orders from Benjamin Netanyahu. He actually takes them from US president Anthony Blinken, you dumb conspiracy theorists.
Surprisingly, the US is unhappy with Israel’s offensive because there is no way it can pretend the IDF is preserving civilian life in such a densely-packed area. The US doesn’t mind supporting genocide, but it draws the line at being unable to plausibly deny genocide. Thankfully, the US has already given Israel $20 billion of weapons in order to gain leverage and increase the prospect of peace. That approach might have failed miserably, but the important thing is America’s logic was flawless. When we talk about American intelligence, this is what we mean. Going forward, the US hopes to arm both Russia and China in order to gain leverage over them because the chance of such a strategy failing again is basically zero.
Due to concerns that congress is going soft on Hamas, AIPAC has decided to invest $200 million to install a few more members of congress who they’ve got secret pee tapes of. AIPAC say they won’t stop until there is a whole congress and senate full of John Fettermans. This will be the ultimate form of US democracy.
Twelve of AIPAC's most reasonable politicians have taken the step of blackmailing the International Criminal Court to remind judges of the long-standing legal principle that Israel is above international law. They wrote a letter to the chief prosecutor of the ICC, warning him that arrest warrants for war criminals do not have a legal basis (unlike threatening judges, which is totally legal and definitely not a mafia move).
The letter pointed out that Israel should be allowed to investigate itself for war crimes because it has “trained lawyers” and it would be wrong to question the “legitimacy” of Israel’s legal system. Sensibly, the senators ended the letter by mentioning the Hague Invasion Act, followed by the words “You have been warned”. This is totally how a normal country behaves when its politicians are owned by the only democracy in the Middle East.
Prior to the launch of the Rafah invasion, Israel closed down Al Jazeera’s offices in Jerusalem, due to concerns the organisation was going to accurately report on the scale of the coming massacre. The IDF showed restraint by not blowing up the offices or executing the journalists like it did to over one hundred others in Gaza. This shows the effort Israel is willing to go to, to preserve human life.
Now that Al Jazeera is gone, you will be relieved to hear the genocide will only be reported on by real journalists like myself and Piers Morgan. Piers has already got his excuses in by saying it’s not possible to win a war without committing war crimes. Piers does not agree with Israel’s war crimes, but he does think they’re necessary, which means Piers agrees with Israel’s war crimes, but only in a moderate sense. This is the quality journalism you can expect across the board, now there’s no Al Jazeera to embarrass us with facts and reason. Basically, we are going to parrot everyone in the Israeli media who says “there are no uninvolved in Rafah” because we are accomplices in everything that is going to happen next x
Thank you so much for reading my outstanding journalism! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. Your support is hugely appreciated x
No comments:
Post a Comment